The Kameelah List: Do You Have One?

If you were born before 1990 and could afford cable television (or was resourceful enough to know how to steal it), then you probably were a Real World (or Road Rules) fan at one point in your life. You know, when MTV wasn't over-trough with reality television shows featuring crusty, aging rappers, big bootied ho's or spoiled rich white girls that become famous for just being famous, MTV actually put on some pretty kick-ass programming.

And if you were an OG MTV connoisseur like I was, you never missed a season of Real World--from the first season in New York (with Heather B and Kevin Powell) to this year's watered down Brooklyn season.

I had no business watching the crap I did and was actually forbidden to watch ANYTHING on MTV (you could add Beverly Hills, 90210 and Baywatch to the list as well), but with a mom that worked nights and a dad that slept pretty heavily at night, I was good money.

Looking back, the Real World has churned some memorable characters. And like every other black viewer, I always remember all the black cast members. Remember Tek? Syrus? Coral? Jacquese? Fine ass Kamaro--who later admitted to being gay? That one hurt. But one character in particular I remember--Kameelah, from Season 6 Real World in Boston. Lord, that broad was crazy.

Kameelah was the TBGH--The Black Girl of the House. I remember taking an initial interest in her because she went to one of my dream schools, Stanford (oh, how quickly young dreams die). She was an AKA, came from a rough home situation. Cute. Small. Sometimes annoying. Dramatic as hell.

But what I *really* remembered about this girl was a thing she introduced that I would become WELL acquainted with in later years: "The List."

Composed of over TWO HUNDRED items, Kameelah's list was her iron-clad index of requirements every man must meet if they wanted to date her. Things like: "must have more than one syllable in his name."--So, sorry Will (Smith), Sean (Penn), George (Clooney). Kameelah, just won't be dating your ass.

Or "must know how to dance."

Stupid stuff. Two hundred, though?? C'mon now.

Trolling the internet, I've found that in the last few years, Kameelah's index has gained a sort of notoriety, especially on a popular music website (which I will not name as I refuse to admit I frequent it as much as I do), aptly called named "The Kameelah-Ass List." The dudes on this website uses the phrase to define some often absurd requirements that their female counterparts push on the men in their life.

I mean, I know *I* don't have a Kameelah list. I'd like to think I'm a bit more realistic (I hope, at least) and understanding when it comes to my "requirements" for a male companion. But nevertheless, I do have a list.

I call those my "Non-Negotiables." For instance, I will not date a person that uses drugs. And as much as I love my gaydies, I'd really like it if the guys I date don't like guys as well. In a related vein, I'd REALLY appreciate it if you were born biologically male, too. I'm just saying. Oh--and I don't do midgets, either. Sorry.

But Kameelah's list is different and borders on the neurotic; at the very best it's polarizing and unrealistic.

And is a lot more common than us women would admit to.

It's true: a lot of women nowadays have their own Kameelah-Ass List. Not a regular, logical, flexible, working list, no. A lot of my fellow wimmens hold fast to long, unrealistic, and frankly unfair requirements for the men they meet. For instance, a friend of mine doesn't date guys that employ a liberal usage of mayonnaise in their food. With the exception of potato salad, no man she meets should use mayo in a sandwich, as she claims that only white people should like mayonnaise. Stupid? Yep. Racist, too.

A business acquaintance of mine will not consider dating a guy that does not--listen to this one, now-- frequent strip clubs, as she feels such a disinterest in such sexual proclivities suggest a suppression of some kind of homosexual urge. Her words, not mine.

Yes, it is quite silly. But it happens more often than you think. And the more women I meet at meetings and lunches and events, the more I notice how utterly ridiculous some women are. So dudes, I understand.

Make no mistake however: any respectable woman ought to have *a* list. A reasonable, considerate, logical list. If she doesn't, she's not worth her weight in salt. Or gold. Or however that phrase goes. I can't remember.

But for real: ladies, we gotta loosen the reins jusssst a little bit when dealing with the menfolk. You know they're a special breed. So what if he can't dance? Or can't swim? Does it really matter that he rather use a fork instead of chopsticks when y'all go out for sushi?

You very well could be passing up a very good thing as you deal with your nonsensical hangups.

We gotta work together, people.